Thy Will Be Done

Coming in from chores this morning, I paused to give thought.  Still in my nightgown, my hair, slightly tousled by the wind, and juggling four bottles as I reached for the doorknob, I smiled and gave thanks.  The Land of Goshen is just about ready . . . I then had a strange wave of remorse wash over me as I considered all the times of doubt and the urge to run through these years of preparation.  Through all this time, there has always been the single haunting fact that this has been a divided house, a vision not shared.  It's been a real struggle for me.  I've prayed about it, cried about it, written about it, and complained about it . . . and the other day, while in the shower, I heard what YHWH had to say about it.

Hearing Adonai in the shower is not unusual, but hearing what He had to say about this particular situation really hit home quickly.  When YHWH speaks, His voice is so multi-dimensional.  The statement was obviously clear.  He said, "You are afraid of how I am going to resolve this problem."  Immediately, those words cut precisely as described in Hebrews 4:12.

Nearly eight years ago, I accepted that this situation would not be resolved by human litigation or even human agreement.  By accepting, I mean, I knew I was obligated to remain in a loveless marriage, but I wasn't always gracious about that fact.  Even typing it, causes me to wince.  So, life has moved on, and noticeably even farther away from each other, although the address is shared.

We have fought about absolutely everything under the sun except money, and resolved absolutely nothing.  And in hearing YHWH's statement to me, I realized, there truly is nothing left to fight about, therefore; resolution would not be accomplished through communication.  Every time I approached Mr. B in an attempt to discuss a matter, I was literally interfering in G-d's plan.  Somewhere beneath the level of soul and spirit, I knew that . . . As long as I continued to attempt to discuss the problem, I was preventing YHWH's solution.  Wow!  Busted!  So very busted.

The simple fact of the matter is, I have other things to tend to than seemingly impossible circumstances.  With YHWH, all things are possible.  It was the possibilities that were scaring me.  I have had it in my mind, how I'd like this situation resolved.  I'd like to overcome the circumstances in my old ways, but, Abba doesn't need me operating in the flesh.  He already knows how this turns out.  My readiness is not about getting other things resolved or even dealing with a human being who has already rejected me.  My readiness is about getting me ready and being able to accept the solution that is outside of my accomplishment.  My readiness is about truly meaning "Thy Will be done!"

For the word of Eohim is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12