Sunday, March 29, 2015


As so many are seeking fellowship outside of the traditional walls of American religion, we are at the threshold of a new hope, or I should say not new, but renewed hope.  Many of us truly believe fellowship comparable to the days of the apostles may be at hand.  That is exciting!  To think we may actually be living in the days Peter spoke of in Acts 2, as he quoted from the book of Joel.  While it is exciting, there is also a heaviness that comes with that hope.  If we are the last or nearly last generation before Messiah returns, that means tribulation such as the world has never seen is at hand.  If we are nearing the end of days as many of us believe, that means persecution will increase and intensify.  If we are heading back to ministries like first century believers, fellowship will either be sparse or communities will gather to work together.

Naturally, I don't plan to form a community with those of other faiths, but even amongst those of claiming to believe Scripture, we're pretty splintered and fragmented.  This is where I am truly thankful, although frequently frustrated and heart broken for social media.  Unlike Peter, who went with two guys he'd never met to meet another guy he'd never met, Cornelius; we have the chance to chat with folks before making journeys.  Paul had a vision of a man in Macedonia asking for help, and so he set out that way.  We've really got it easy . . . Perhaps that's why the happenings of Acts just really aren't happening.  Chances are when serious persecution sets in, the minor differences won't be so major.

In the past few years, I've been quite vocal about the vision for the Land of Goshen to be a gathering place for a small community.  I received this vision on the smaller place, Ein Gedi, and then was led to a larger place; so I'm preparing.  In this preparation, although I feel pretty isolated so far in hopes of fellowship, I've been given time and opportunity to learn a few things about what fellowship is not.  First and foremost, fellowship is not a mutual disdain for another belief.  I have traditional Jewish friends who have not yet seen Y'hshuwah as Messiah, as well as friends who are traditional Christians that believe Torah is obsolete.  I get along with both groups to a point, while also acknowledging the difference.

I've been amazed at the number of Christians who have left the church, but still believe what it taught.  I've also been devastated by the number of Christians who have left the church, then denied Y'hshuwah.  I can agree that the modern American church bears little resemblance to anything mentioned in the New Testament, except Laodicea; but turning from Messiah means hopelessness, eternal hopelessness.

In the search for fellowship, or the attempt to remain open to it, the main thing I have come to realize is a mutual connection over a shared nonbelief is not a foundation for fellowship.  For instance, two people agreeing that Pastor So-and-so is not preaching right, is not fellowship.  The two people could be wrong, or Pastor So-and-so may be in error, even a wolf in sheep's clothing, but that still isn't the foundation of the Word for fellowship.  That would be my guess as to the foundation of so many denominations, though.

Judaism is a bit different.  There are just varying degrees of interpreted obedience.  At last count, there were 8 or 9 sects of Judaism including those who believe Messiah has come.  Naturally, that is the most fragmented group.  Most Orthodox Jews agree on most levels of lifestyle and worship.  There are little differences between Conservative congregants.  Reform Judaism leaves a great deal more to open interpretation, therefore more differences.

I'm saying all this to say this.  When fellowship is truly founded on the Rock who is Y'hshuwah Messiah, the Word in the flesh; I believe most of the doctrinal differences will dissolve away and those that don't will be handled with grace.  There are still so many differences in counting the days, the new month, etc.  The day is coming when these differences become small or the communities gather accordingly.  Since we are all so sure Messiah will straighten it all out and bring unity, that is my prayer now.  That His kingdom would come and be revealed to His people in us, now.  We may not have to wait for His physical return, if we, His sheep, are receptive to His Voice.  He will bring us together for the glory of The Father.

 . . . and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.  John 10:4

Sunday, March 22, 2015

In Further Study of Genesis 15

As I continued to read the conversation Abraham had with El Shaddai, I once again saw the promise that Abraham would have a child, a child of promise.  I've made peace with the fact things haven't turned out the way I'd hoped regarding my own family and circumstance, but making peace is by far not the same thing as giving up hope.  Although, I will not be so presumptuous as to use G-d's Word to demand the same promise Abraham received, there is no reason to rule out hope . . . I got ahead of G-d, well not ahead, just completely outside of His Will in my family planning and building years ago, but then so did Abraham.

I'd love for my children and grandchildren to embrace Torah, follow Messiah, and serve YHWH.  That is my prayer, whether they do it here or elsewhere, and even though it doesn't look like things are heading that direction now, it's still possible.  Actually, with G-d all things are possible!  Although I was rendered barren, surgically, years ago, I'm still younger than Sarah or Elizabeth were, and I've repented from seeking medical solutions, so . . . There's also the factor that I've been celibate for years, but hey, nothing is impossible for our Creator.  He restores, He brings reconciliation, He made me a new creation . . .

Although I'm not going to get my Bible out and start making demands, I'm also not going to limit Abba to just one method of growth.  Whether it will be spiritual family, as Messiah pointed out, or if Abba will bring my own flesh and blood, I do know others will be here.  One thing continues to come to my mind that Abba told me back in 2008 or '09.  'I'd yet to lay eyes on the next person to come to be a part of this.'  Some folks have come and gone since then . . . and since I've seen my kids and grandkids, that doesn't mean they won't be here, but rather there will just be someone else first.

What I do know is now, more than anything, I simply want His Will to be accomplished in my life.  I truly do believe with Him, all things are indeed possible.  Whether it's a change of heart, a healed body, a restored relationship, or spiritual family; it will only be by the grace and power of our Heavenly Father.

Is any thing too hard for YHWH?  Genesis 18:14a

For with G-d nothing shall be impossible.  Luke 1:37

For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.  Matthew 12:50

Sunday, March 15, 2015

An Observation

In assessing net worth and earthly values, I've stumbled upon another correlation with Abraham and what he verbalized to Abba before either son was born.  I love my kids and grandkids, but the Land of Goshen is not really their heart, at least at this time.  That's not to say, things won't change, but at this time, it is what it is.  My mother tries to explain this plan without YHWH and just makes comments about being older and retiring to the country, but sadly she just doesn't have eyes to see.  To acknowledge the ministry and Torah lifestyle to which I'm called, would destroy her religious beliefs.  She doesn't have a great deal of influence over her grandchildren or great grandchildren, but each generation has very different priorities.  Sadly, while my parents now adhere to the mega-church prosperity ideals and my kids don't attend church or synagogue, they all separately share a view of the importance of money, and that I am out of touch . . .

Now that I'm finally recognizing my birthday for what it is, a milestone; that I hope marks the completion of an accomplished year that brought glory to YHWH.  Since the milestones are now reflective of digits that exceed the speed limit on many roads, I am considering the legacy of this homestead.  As I ponder the same question asked by Abraham, "What good are all these blessings if I have no heir?"  I am grateful for the blessings, of course, but I truly want to leave a legacy of real value, spiritual value.  Honestly, I want one of my kids or grandkids to take the helm of this ministry and value the importance of the things that are in place.  That may not be what Abba has in mind, and I may be shown Messiah's definition of "family" when the time of naming an heir takes place.  Messiah said family are those who do the will of our Heavenly Father.

As I'm aging I feel so blessed beyond measure and I truly want to share that with my descendants.  I don't know if that is in Abba's plan for me or not and that is not an easy realization in which to come.  I read of so many moms and grandmas who come to the truth even later than I did, who are now surrounded with a believing family and adoring grandchildren sharing the same walk and lifestyle.  I'm truly happy for them, but I always have that feeling in the back of my mind that's not in the plan for me.  I can't say I'm happy in that, but I have His peace and comfort in acceptance.  I have found myself very thankful that the battle for control was resolved a few years ago.

As I consider the question I asked after listening to one of my daughters and her husband discussing plan after plan for this place, I've taken a new inventory.  I interrupted their discussion to ask "Shouldn't you wait til I'm dead to be discussing all this?" I knew these people would not be part of the ministry, at least in their current state, and I also knew it was my responsibility to leave this in the hands of those who will minister.  Since that time of resolution, they have headed farther away from this direction, but I am still aware of the responsibility in which I've been entrusted.  A ministry isn't like a family business that just gets handed down to the next generation to make or break.  A ministry is a call.  I know my mother isn't right in her disregard of my call!  It is a privilege to have been given the second chance and the vitality to serve in this ministry and I know Abba will bring the one(s) into the picture who will carry on His purpose . . . or Messiah will return before the decision must be made.

For the gifts and calling of G-d are without repentance.  Romans 11:29  

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Nearly a Decade of GMO Feed

As of last Thursday, I've been attending livestock auctions fairly regularly for nine years, now.  Growing up in the country, these are certainly not my first livestock auctions; but with fairly consistent attendance now as an adult, I've noticed a few things worth sharing.

First, I've noticed the increase production in meat goats.  A few years ago I sat next to a gentleman at the auction whose words continue to echo in my thoughts.  He was there to see how to establish an auction company and run one in the north end of the state to provide meat for the incoming Muslim population.  Through the years, I have also noticed an increase in the attendance of Hispanics.  This is not racial profiling or bigotry, it's simply a fact of the cultures.  I eat goat meat, but it's not the primary meat of my diet, deer is, also undoubtedly due to culture . . .  In this particular area of the US, pork is probably the most consumed creature, also based upon culture.  And let's face it, everybody eats chicken!  They don't tend to sell at auctions, though.  Dairy goats are simply not the main event at a sheep and goat auction, which is also based upon our Western culture.  Goat milk is simply not the mainstay of American dairy products. 

The price of goats is astronomical this year.  I haven't seen prices this high, ever at the auction barn.  When I first began homesteading, I got suckered a couple of times, but that was by individuals selling registered livestock.  It used to be, some animals through the livestock barn were registered, but I haven't seen that for awhile.  There are more wethers, also being sold.  A wether is a castrated buck, so his only future is the dinner table.  The odd fact about the price of goats this year is the fact that grain and hay are in abundance and at significantly low prices.  Granted goats past their prime do go down in value, but there's something about this imbalance that is disconcerting.

Next, the subject of GMOs enters the picture.  I've made sure my feed is GMO free for the past 3 years and although not all of my goats have been on the place that long, I've noticed an increase in multiple births, again.  Up until four years ago, twins were very common, much more frequent than single births.  For several years the size of my goat herd nearly tripled every spring and it was not unusual to see mamas run through the auction ring with twins, even triplets.  Between four and five years ago, I changed brands to what I thought was organic, but organic is defined quite vaguely and can include GMOs.  That spring, there was only one set of twins born on the place, the rest were singles . . . I did my homework and went fully non-GMO for sure, and the twin rate has increased dramatically.  Now, back to the sale barn.

With GMOs and additives, the meat goats have truly altered in appearance.  Meat breeds in goats were very much like meat breeds in cattle, with a smaller udder and less milk production.  In the past couple of years, I've noticed a vast difference in the udder size and formation of the does of these meat breeds, as well as a reduced presence in the anatomy of the "working bucks."  Until the last couple of years, you could smell a big "working buck" from the stock yard before he ever entered the ring.  Those big bucks would enter the ring with an amazing stride and prominent sac.  Those bucks with a presence are now the exception, not the rule and even the large alpha bucks are far from what they used to be in anatomical appearance.  In reading reports that GMOs can cause fertility issues, the evidence does seem to be indicating exactly what is being reported.  How that will ultimately affect our food chain, I can't say, but tampering with creation will undoubtedly bring judgment.  The fact that I've experienced the increase I'd lost tells me it's not too late to change our ways, but we do need to act fast!  

And G-d made the beast of the earth after his kind . . . and G-d saw that it was good.   And G-d saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. Genesis 1: 25, 31 

Monday, March 2, 2015

That Which I Greatly Feared . . .

It's been quite awhile since I've had a week of feeling like so much is coming at me.  I don't know how many times I've heard myself repeating aloud, "I can do all things through Messiah, who strengthens me."  I've quoted numerous times, the Psalm about the Rock that is higher than I, as well as angels being sent that I do not dash my foot against a stone . . .  There are numerous Scriptures I am blessed to have in my heart, but the reality is, this week has been a struggle.

The first major snowstorm of the season was no big deal.  Being snowed in is not an issue here in Goshen.  The snow doesn't last long in this neck o' the woods, and the melting and thawing began quickly.  There's enough timber, though, that some parts of these country roads and lanes don't see so much sun and when the temperature is sufficient for thawing in the daytime, a drop below 32° at night makes for impassible roads.

 Just as everything had melted and cleared, freezing rain with some snow came this past weekend.  It was intense to the point, I felt a wave of fear wash over me Monday morning as I was preparing for morning chores.  In good weather, I'm as graceful as a new calf on ice, so knowing my own coordination and lack thereof on regular soil, when the ice is actually here I cringe a bit.  I literally spoke Psalm 91:11 and 12 before and during chores.  For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.  They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.  I speak the next verse about treading on adders, in the summer.  It has happened . . . accidentally, but safely!

I don't pray this Psalm so much as I repeat it to myself, knowing Abba has already spoken this as truth.  I have His promise and I trust His Word..  The last word of the 91st Psalm is salvation in English, Y'hshuwah in Hebrew.   Falling can become a real point of fear for me.  I am not terribly sure footed and I have broken bones in falls, so my experience has been more than just picking myself up and dusting myself off, after a fall. Giving all glory to Elohim, chores went successful every time and oh, I forgot to include the "guiding my steps" verse, which He did.  Tuesday evening, though, in the house with level surface, no stones, no adders, I twisted wrong or something and I fell . . . and I fell hard.  I fell hard enough, Mr. B wasn't sure what kind of scene he'd be walking into.  As I came to, with my face on the striped rug, I saw blood.

The injury report is included in Peculiar Princess, but there have been so many more things going on than just my crash and burn.  He has strengthened me to do the absolutely necessary, but I've certainly shirked my duties in some things that can be done another day.  I'm not a procrastinator at heart, so it's been a struggle for me and this morning, I finally conceded to Adonai, I just didn't feel that I was handling what was coming toward me so well.  Rather than facing it head on, I thought it might be time to start ducking . . .  With that I will conclude, it's not been an easy week, but I am well aware that many have had a much more difficult week than I.  I have also realized that in recognizing this past week to have been difficult, that means many of my weeks are not and there have been a great many things even in this week for which to be thankful.

I'm thankful I didn't go to an ER and end up with whatever strain of flu is going around, on top of tests and Xrays for things that cannot be set.  I'm thankful that I haven't had to worry about time off from work and wonder how the bills would be paid.  I'm thankful to work from home, so if my schedule needs a bit of shuffling, it is possible.  Upon remembering my horribly broken arm a couple of years ago, I'm so thankful my fall took place in the house after chores were done.  I still remember having to finish chores with that horrible pain and then hope and pray I got up the back steps and into the house before I passed out from shock.  All things considered, even when that which I feared did come to pass, I still had a great deal for which to be thankful.

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.  
Job 3:25