I would have never thought about feeling both of those emotions simultaneously, but I have. I've been reminded in my spirit many times over of the passage in the first chapter of Job.
. . . YHWH gave, and YHWH hath taken away; blessed be the Name of YHWH.
Stella was about the best milk goat I've ever known. She was always patient with the amateurs who came to visit and wanted to "try milking" . . . as long as you kept the feed box filled.
I was actually expecting her soon demise when I first met her at the auction. She could have been in the herds and flocks of Cecil B. DeMille's Ten Commandments. Stella was old when I bought her! So old as a matter of fact, I was the lone bidder. She was a beautiful Toggenburg cross, and although stately; was obviously past her prime. I thought I was literally buying her to live out her remaining days in dignity, with "days" being the operative; but I was blessed to have her for over four years. I know some people do choose to sell their livestock when they pass the point of positive productivity. Although I don't believe in selling geriatric livestock, nor do I make it a practice to purchase goats in their golden years, there was something about her that just spoke to me. I couldn't allow that regal beauty to die cast away. or worse . . . be slaughtered. I'm not a PETA vegan at all, I even process my own meat, but Stella still had more positive productivity in her!
All the way home, I hoped she would live long enough for us to be friends. I don't make a habit of buying any livestock just to make their last days comfortable. I can't afford that, financially or emotionally; but as I mentioned, there was just something about her that drew me. I already loved that goat! I now know, YHWH was gifting me with a very unique four legged friend. I got home with Stella that evening and she wasn't overly friendly, but she seemed a little more outgoing than at the auction, so I finished up chores and was thankful for my purchase at minimal expense.
Within a few weeks, her countenance had improved. She was still old, but definitely asserting herself to be Queen Bee of the herd. Five months to the day after arriving here in Goshen, she gave birth to twin bucks. Goats have a five month gestation period, so I never knew if the twins were a gift from the auction pen or Stella made friends with my buck quickly. We never discussed the indiscriminating details. Since she gave birth to the first of the herd that year, the first buck belonged to YHWH and I was blessed to be able to gift him to some beginner homesteaders, later that spring.
Stella was an amazing milk goat, and just knew her way around the milking parlor, or I should say, led me around her schedule in the milking parlor. I felt so thankful that she had lived through the winter and then the double portion blessing of twins. But that was only the beginning. She became a part of Goshen, less than a month after my arrival, so her absence is felt by all. I love all my critters, but everyone on the place, knew Stella and I were tight! You know the old saying about a dog being man's best friend, well Stella, the goat, was this woman's best friend.
YHWH had told me last year that Stella wasn't going to be here much longer. I simply asked Him to not let her suffer. Her behavior has been changing these past few months. Her appetite remained good, maintained her cud, but she was just really showing her years. She was staying to herself, rather than leading the herd. She was a quality goat with such dignity! I was giving her extra feed beets and making sure her water was close toward the end, but the morning I saw Hank standing vigil, I knew Stella's numbered days had ended.
Stella leaves quite a legacy. All of her bucks were good strong breeders, and YHWH used her to bless me with two doelings these last two years, which of course, are part of the herd. I even have one of the does her second buck threw that first year. Stella leaves two doelings, a granddoe, and an internet business.
When I started "G-ma's Goatmilk Soap" business, I tried to use a photograph that my Granddaughter had taken of Stella, for the logo. The photograph would not print with clear definition for the stamp maker, so I drew a simple caricature of Stella, that had to be simplified further. Stella's illustration is part the registered trademark. She will have a place in our hearts and bath time for years to come.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes of Holy Scripture
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