Learning . . . Admiration and Envy

I went to my Aunt's the other day for a visit. I had a wonderful time visiting with her and seeing my cousins. And, oh, what I learned. I'm sort of swaying between admiration and envy. Admiration because of what this woman has accomplished, tribally speaking and envy, because as much as I admire it, it's simply too late for me to experience what she has. I believe the Apostle Paul recommended that we envy the greater gifts and he said LOVE was the greatest, so I believe I'm spiritually sound to envy what she has with her family.
Her eldest son recently passed and his absence is very much still a tender void for everyone, myself included. It's funny how cousins can lose track of each other, only see each other at the "marryings and buryings" but when they cross each other's minds it brings a smile with the assumption that we'll see each other at the next gathering, but it's different now. We all got together and John wasn't there. I can only sadly imagine how many reminders they experience regularly because they are a close family. It's really awesome and something I have wanted since I can remember, but I wasn't the wise woman my Sweet Aunt Nina was and is.
I've now gained enough wisdom to know attempting what they have simply isn't possible for everyone . . . Sometimes wisdom comes by sadness, but to ignore the reality doesn't make something enjoyable, as I have learned. I do believe that G-d has brought me to this place to establish His definition of family and community and although it isn't going to happen the way I thought with the people I had in mind, it will be a family and community of His making.
Now, back to what I learned. I learned that my Sweet Aunt Nina has an amazing gift of meekness and I'm not talking weakness. She's a strong little woman in cowboy boots who has lived on her own for over 30 years and could probably kick some major butt, but she chooses to let folks just do their own thing and frequently appears to hold her comments. I admire the way she'll say, "We'll just have to agree to disagree," and that's the end of the topic. She means it and those listening understand that she means it.
I was greatly moved by her steadfast kindness and stoic strength. In catching up on family, I listened to the way she spoke of other's accomplishments and differences and her standard of accomplishment and wealth was not in comparison amongst the people, but rather applied uniquely to each of them. She spoke well of most people and if there wasn't a good report, it was spoken softly and sadly. She's already blessed to know her great granddaughter is being raised with the same family values she has instilled, and that is a priceless blessing. Even though, I didn't have the wisdom to be blessed as the matriarch that she is, I am blessed to see these values in at least one of my descendants.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love G-d, to them who are the called according to his purpose.