The Departure of a Matriarch

I've been amazed and oddly intrigued in the happenings of this past week.  By intrigued, I mean drawn into astute observation as the circumstances have unfolded.  I'd noticed some years ago that Americans are either too programmed or too afraid to die with dignity.  It seems most folks just cannot accept numbered days and would prefer to die in a hospital bed with monitors beeping, needles in their veins and tubes in every orifice.  On the other hand, I've also noticed, once a person seeks medical care for a single concern, it can snowball, to the point their original wishes are lost in hospital protocol and medical advice . . . resulting in monitors, needles, and tubes . . . anyway!  It seems nobody gets to die like Jacob did in Genesis, with his loved ones gathered round, listening to his final words.

Seeing so much of this and hearing about so many procedures, I chose to write my wishes, have the paper notarized, and carry it on me at all times.  I've also made the decision to not seek medical care for anything, and since making that decision, our Heavenly Father has protected me from "what's going around," healed my broken bones, and kept me running this homestead in-spite of the MS diagnosis.  I truly believe in making that firm, uncompromising decision, Adonai has blessed me beyond measure.  As I've said, I've even had broken bones that have mended without any medical care whatsoever.  The breaks were obvious, so there is no doubt of His healing power.  Now, I say all this, leading up to my real point.

Several years ago in talking, my Sweet Aunt Nina told me she'd like me to officiate her funeral service.  She said she wanted it to be a celebration of her life, etc. yata, yata.  Of course, I agreed, as she is a very upbeat encourager, and . . . there was nothing imminent in her request.  She was not yet 75 and in relatively good health.  She's had a few health issues in the past couple of years, but her voice on the phone was always upbeat, she always had something to share about her family, always had a joke or anecdote, and always we ended the conversation telling each other "I love you."  She's maintained a very special separation of information in her support system, so although she divulged some health information to each of us, we thought we were informed, but nobody had the full picture, until this past week-end.

She and I are enough alike and we've spoken enough times about it, we both knew we wanted to die with tribal dignity.  Either walk out into the timber and not come back, as our ancestors did, or home in bed with the family respecting our wishes.  She had pretty much held her kids to secrecy and kept her phone calls upbeat and now that I look back, the phone conversations maintained their frequency but had become shorter.  She spoke weekly with her brother, my Daddy, who this past weekend noticed something amiss, so he went to see her the next day.

It was just one week ago today, everyone became aware of the true state of her health and she formally announced her end of life wishes.  He called me, telling me to get in touch with her, as she told him I was to do her funeral . . . This was apparently news to everyone except me.  There had been no reason for me to say anything earlier.  She still had company so she didn't want me to call that evening.  She called me Tuesday morning shortly after 7 to go over the details.  We spoke of the practical plans and her spiritual beliefs.  She told me she was not afraid to die, then proceeded to tell me about her granddaughter's wedding, and of course a joke.  We ended the conversation with the usual, "I love you" and that was that.

By Thursday evening she was in the hospital and it was not going as she had wanted.  I prayed.  The next day, the doctor discussed her options and said he would honor her wishes.  She said, she just wanted to breathe easier and go home.  Sabbath morning, she was fully mindful of everything and everyone, agreed only to medication to keep her comfortable, removed her oxygen mask and asked everyone present to gather round her bed and sing a hymn.  They were told she probably would not last the day.  When my cousin's wife relayed this to me, I knew my cousins were doing everything they could to allow Aunt Nina to die with the dignity of Jacob.  I've continued to pray through this, and I've tried very hard for the prayers to not be selfish.  There were just two things still undone, and knowing Aunt Nina, she wasn't leaving this sod until they were done.

Her son in law left the hospital to go get the tribal blanket she'd chosen for the top of her casket, and she knew that, but she was still hanging on.  As a matter of fact, my cousin said she was talking and reminiscing in the night, clearly and quite understandably.  Sunday morning, her final wish was granted to go home.  She's going to be allowed the dignity of dying at home, with her loved ones surrounding her.  I'm truly going to miss my Sweet Aunt Nina.

I have waited for thy salvation, O YHWH . . . And he charged them, and said unto them, I am to be gathered unto my people . . . And when Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people.  words of Jacob in Genesis 49:18, 29a, 33

She did get home and in less than 30 minutes, she saw that she was home, surrounded by her loved ones, and she passed . . .