Moving Past Grief

I have a serious confession to make about this homestead / preservation.  When the severe family issue exploded, I was truly grieved.  I realize where there's life there's still hope, but I'm addressing the emotional impact at the time it occurs.  I'm also going to be honest about the fact, it was far from the first disrespectful outburst, but it is the last one I will allow on this place.  It took awhile to make peace with the fact, that particular relationship has no future, as it stands now.  I still love the person, but everyone and everything we love isn't necessarily good for us, and we're not necessarily good for them.  In taking the time to actually grieve the situation, there has been healing and resolve that I didn't know could even exist.  This has been the first loss that I didn't attempt to stoically pull myself up by my own bootstraps.  I cried and I prayed and I cried and I prayed some more, and then cried and prayed again.

I also noticed there were a few things I just couldn't face for a time.  Here, I'd been raising most of my food, including the meat, but that summer invasion and explosion left me seeing and feeling reminders in so many places that had once been such a part of the plan and purpose.  The enemy works like that . . .  I'm not saying this individual was "the enemy," but Y'hshuwah very clearly identified who our enemy would be and I'd not only allowed this, but invited this one with open arms . . .

Last year was so difficult to be in a certain part of the garden, that I actually moved the garden.  My son-in-law had been such a part of the gardening the year before and my grandchildren, so it was just a sad reminder when I went in.  Besides moving the garden spot, I also planted a number of vegetables in the orchard.  Ultimately, Abba used that to show me how I would be raising my own wheat after Shemitah.  It would have been nice if I'd have been able to receive the plan without what I allowed here, but unfortunately, I just had to learn this part the hard way.  This year the garden is beautiful, in yet a new garden spot, and the plans for the mini wheat field are taking shape. 

The other thing that I really dropped the ball on was raising my own chickens.  I continued to collect the eggs, but every time I went out to get a chicken for dinner, I just couldn't do it.  My son-in-law had helped me catch the roosters I'd raised and each of the grandchildren wanted to learn how to "kill up" a chicken and make dinner.  To be honest, I haven't fixed fried chicken since that summer.  I say it's for health reasons, but I know the reason, and Abba knows my heart, so . . . I also had the excuse of a broken arm recovery, but the reality is, I was back to milking and typing very quickly, after that injury. 

That summer, even the youngest grandchild in that bunch had learned how to process a chicken from free range to fried chicken dinner.  The first time they wanted to help, I was sure we'd end up having PB & J for dinner, but I was wrong.  They took serious ownership of the dinner!  So, I've taken a year to grieve and eat chicken from the local Family/Farm Market, because it was just impossible to pluck a chicken while crying . . .  This year the preservation is back to full functioning and should probably be at double meat production the year of Shemitah.

And the Sabbath of the land shall be meat for you . . . And for thy cattle, and for the beast that are in thy land, shall all the increase thereof be meat.  Torah of Holy Scripture